CREEPERS, AND THE TOP 5 SONGS ABOUT THEM

You know, when it comes to love, the only difference between “romance” and “stalking” is attraction. A multitude of lists have been made about the “Top Ten Spooky Love Songs OMG!”, but these seem to be about 20 of the same songs on repeat. (Yes, we all know that “Every Breath You Take” is creepy, it’s not a surprise anymore!)
So here, I’ve decided to dig up some of the less commonly-mentioned creeper songs. Some you may know, some you may not, but all of them are worthy of this list. So ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present our favorite obsessive stalker songs.

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5. LUDO – THE HORROR OF OUR LOVE (2008)

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A very interesting group indeed, the Saint Louis- based rock band LUDO scored some minor hits back in the 00’s with songs such as “Love Me Dead” and “Good Will Hunting By Myself”.
However, one of their more obscure tracks – an album cut off of 2008’s “You’re Awful, I Love You”- holds up as an almost excessively beautiful song… about excessively un-beautiful things.
The Horror Of Our Love presents a narrative that alternates between different horror scenarios, all with the common theme of a twisted love story taking place.

4. THE CURE – WHY CAN’T I BE YOU? (1987)

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THE CURE? Writing a song about an obsessive stalker?
… Well I never.
If you can’t tell by the title, this song is a frantic plea from the singer to his… I think “crush” is putting it mildly… about how “simply elegant” and “delicious” and “intelligent” and “wooooooo!” she is.
I just can’t help but think the subject of this song doesn’t exactly know what he’s thinking. Or, probably, that he even exists.

3. FALL OUT BOY – SUGAR, WE’RE GOING DOWN (2005)

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Alright, I’ll admit this doesn’t quite fit the “lesser known song” criteria, but why is it that nobody seems to acknowledge that this is an absolutely creepy song??
A monstrous hit released at the height of the mid-00’s pop punk craze, “Sugar, We’re Going Down” by FALL OUT BOY details the progression of a remarkably shallow one-night stand that eventually culminates in a verse like this:

Is this more than you bargained for yet?
Oh, don’t mind me, I’m watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn’t it messed up how I’m just dying to be him?

…. Yeah. That’s about as blatant a verse about stalking as I’ve ever heard. Good song though. Next!

2. DR. HOOK AND THE MEDICINE SHOW – SYLVIA’S MOTHER (1972)

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Has no invention served as a stalker’s go-to method more than the telephone?
DR. HOOK AND THE MEDICINE SHOW‘s first single, “Sylvia’s Mother”, tells a maudlin little story about a man calling his ex, named “Sylvia”, only to be answered by his ex’s mother, “Mrs. Avery”, and pleads with her to give Sylvia the phone.
But the real selling point of what makes this song so… stalkery, is the vocal delivery of the singer. He whimpers the (very obviously) Shel Silverstein-penned lyrics with an agonizing amount of conviction.
Knowing the band’s discography and sense of humor, this song may have been meant as a parody of melodramatic breakup songs, but regardless, I imagine it must have been terrible to be named Sylvia (or Mrs. Avery, for that matter) circa 1972 due to this song.

1. ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA – TELEPHONE LINE (1977)

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So here it is, my personal top pick.
I don’t care how pretty it is. I don’t care that it’s a classic. I don’t care that the chorus is the most bubblegum I-VI-IV-V chord progression in history.
ELO‘s forlorn breakup song, “Telephone Line”, is a song about a jilted lover who incessantly calls his ex-girlfriend, regardless of whether or not anyone answers.
He also seems to relish in the fact that his ex can’t seem to keep a steady relationship, and still he calls her.
Letting the phone ring.
Forever.

 

So we've tried a bit of a different idea this time, what did you think?
Let us know your favorite songs about unhinged love.

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